are you looking for an answer - {for Jo}

[girl_at_the_window]

Susan wakes up into dull, numb agony, every movement aching. It turns out coming back from the dead is never what you'd call relaxing. Everything feels broken, oddly displaced.

It takes her several minutes to gather the strength to sit up, reach for her computer, and, after a little thought, start to type.

>burningpassion: well
>burningpassion: im back

Comments

[thefuckingbeam]

He watches her with a miserable look on his face, wishing there was a simpler way to fix this. Wishing he could find a door that would take him back a week and stop him from doing what he did. But even still...he knows that wouldn't fix it. The feelings would still be there, bubbling under the surface, threatening to boil over.

"I know. I know. It's fucked up. It's enough to drive you up the wall."

God knows he's felt like that, lately. Like he's losing it.

Her question hurts, even though it wasn't supposed to, because it's always going to hurt, hearing Susan talk about Susannah.

"If she was sittin' here...shit. I'd tell her I'll never stop loving her. 'Cause it's true, I won't. But I've also got a chance at maybe having a damn sun ray of happiness in this shithole, and I think it's only fair I try to take it."

Eddie shakes his head.

"And she...she'd probably tell me to pull my head out of my ass. I like to think she'd tell me it's okay, that I should follow my heart or some shit...but she's too hard to predict. It's one of the best and most frustrating things about her, you know?"

[girl_at_the_window]

"I know," she agrees, with a little half-smile. "Remember who I loved?" Roland might be stolid, but in her experience, he wasn't at all easy to predict. She can definitely understand both the appeal and the frustration of it, all too well.

She's quiet for a moment. Then, abruptly, she decides. Pushing her mocha to one side, she stands up, clearing her throat, her wings fluttering slightly.

"I'm going outside," she says, and takes a deep breath. "You think about what she'd say. And I'll wait a while. If you want..." She clears her throat again, going just a little pink. "If you want me, come find me. Alright?"

[thefuckingbeam]

Eddie watches her for a moment, and then snorts. God, she's right, isn't she? Roland's quite the same way in that respect. "Yeah, you got a point."

He takes another sip of his water, mostly to fill in the gap where she's quiet, but his eyes go a little wide when she stands up, rather abruptly. And what she's saying to him...it makes them go even wider. Is she...?

His heart leaps into his throat, and he has to swallow thickly in order to say anything at all. "Yeah. Yeah, sure." Casual. Very casual.

And now he has to think. Because he's treading dangerous waters, here, and there's a very large margin of error, because it's just like Susan said—they could show up tomorrow, or they could never show up at all. It's a crapshoot. But Eddie Dean has never been great at taking the safer route, anyway, so it's not long at all before he's standing up too, wandering outside and looking left and right for her. For a moment, he's dismayed, concerned she'd just left anyway without waiting for him, but then he pokes his head around the corner of the side alley and sees wings and antennae and blonde hair, and breathes a little easier.

"Hey. So, I did some thinking." His hands are shoved in his pockets, because otherwise he'll fidget.

[girl_at_the_window]

She looks up at him from under her eyelashes, biting her lip, unsure whether to be relieved or terrified that he came after her. One pair of arms stays folded over her chest, hugging herself protectively, but the others are fidgeting as much as he'd probably like to be, tugging anxiously at her hair. It's been nerve-wracking, standing here in the alleyway, not knowing whether she's just fucked up royally or when she should give up and go home, not knowing anything except that this is still wrong, it's definitely wrong, but it's at least a choice. Her choice.

"Thinkin' what?" Her voice cracks a little, and she clears her throat, takes a deep breath. "Eddie Dean, don't you beat about the bush now. You, uh, you stayin' or goin'?"

Relief and terror are one thing, but what seems to win out in the end is good, old-fashioned impatience.

[thefuckingbeam]

Eddie takes her in with a nervous eye, afraid she'll have changed her mind in the time between her leaving and him coming out here. But her fidgeting is at least a sign that he's not the only one nervous here.

He clears his throat, and huffs out a breath that would be a laugh if he had the will to laugh right now. He wouldn't dare beat around the bush. Not at a time like this.

"I won't. I'm staying."

He says it with a wary, puppy-dog look at her, hands pulling out of his pockets to rest helplessly at his sides.

[girl_at_the_window]

She meets his eyes for a moment, with a wariness that matches his in intensity if not in softness, and worries at her lip. Her wings lift, flutter restlessly, rest again; her claws dig, for a moment, into her upper forearms.

And then, as it sinks in, she finds she's moving without really thinking about it, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him in to kiss him hard and deep, her other arms wrapping around his waist as she pulls him towards the nearest wall. She's thought about doing this enough that it almost feels normal to kiss him, rehearsed over and over again in her head.

She pulls away at last, breathless and flushed, and scans his face. It isn't that she doubts he wants her. She just doubts that he'll stick by his decision, now it's made, now they're on the edge of everything. Her arms stay tight around him, one hand coming up to twist into the short hairs at the back of his neck, her body flush against his.

"Say that again," she orders, her chest heaving and her heart thudding through her ribs.

[thefuckingbeam]

He probably should have expected that, but somehow, he wasn't. He was expecting more conversation, but then again neither of them are exactly patient. It's one of the things he loves about her. And right now, the way she pulls him in, it's like being pulled into a cold, clear pool of water. Everything else is gone in and instant and all he can think about is her. Her mouth, her arms around him, the way he sort of doesn't have a choice but to press his hips into hers, the wall providing solid leverage behind her.

God, he's fucked. And he doesn't even care. He's made up his mind not to.

When she pulls away, Eddie swallows heavily, licking his lips, staring down at her with eyes wide and wanting.

"I'm staying, Susan. I'm staying with you." He doesn't bother waiting for her approval, but moves right back in to keep kissing her. He's got a mighty need to kiss her as soundly as he possibly can, in case things turn south again and he never gets another chance.

[girl_at_the_window]

Susan laughs against his mouth, her eyes stinging a little, and she's not entirely sure why. It just feels good - good to have his mouth on hers, good to feel his hips push against her. Good to hear that he's staying. She doesn't quite know why that should matter so much, but it does.

She kisses him back every bit as enthusiastically, and now one hand works its way under the hem of his shirt, another fumbles at his belt, and she tries to pull one of his hands down onto the swell of her breast. It's probably a terrible idea, and for certain Aunt Cordelia would call her a whore, but now they know where they stand, at least for now, for this moment...

Well, she's no blushing virgin since Roland came into her life, and she's dreamed about him enough in the last week to get some real frustration worked up. Fucking in a back alley in the middle of town isn't exactly classy or well-mannered, but right now, she can't bring herself to give a solitary shit about that. Eddie isn't the only one feeling that urgency, that danger of an only chance.

[thefuckingbeam]

He can relate to the feeling; having her back in his arms, after that brief little taste last week, is almost intoxicating. It's easier than it ought to be for Eddie to lose himself in her, especially when she's all over him all of a sudden. He's almost forgotten that she has two extra arms, it's become so commonplace, but he's certainly remembering now. He groans into Susan's mouth, a soft, needy sound, and lets her put his hand on her breast without a fuss. It's been so Goddamn long since he's touched a woman like this that he couldn't care less where they are. If anyone wants to walk in on them, well, more power to him.

He becomes dimly aware as he moves his mouth from Susan's lip to her neck that his belt is being unbuckled, and he's gone from zero to half-hard in an astoundingly small amount of time. Eddie groans her name into her skin, squeezing at the swell of her breast, and then lets his other hand slide up under her shirt, marveling at the way the bristles and hard carapace feel under his skin. It's...it shouldn't be sexy, his human brain knows this, but his monster brain finds it enticing all the same. Maybe because it's her.

[girl_at_the_window]

Susan's head tips back, just a little, and her claws scrape his scalp as she tightens his fingers in his hair, moaning breathily at his mouth on her neck, the strange prickle of his hands on her carapaced body. It feels different - not just because she's no longer human, but also because he isn't Roland. His mouth feels different, his hands move differently, his breathing and his heartbeat have a different sound...

But different doesn't by any means mean bad. She pushes up against his hands, her thigh shifting to rub up between his legs, and finishes unfastening his belt, moves on to his fly.

[thefuckingbeam]

The press of Susan's thighs between his has Eddie groaning at the added stimulation; his hand pushes up far enough that he can cup one of her breasts without any impediment, and he drags his thumb over her nipple, careful of his claws. Satisfied, his other hand moves down to her hip and then around to her bottom, pulling her flush against him while she undoes his fly. He doesn't think he's ever been this uninhibited; surely passersby are able to see them hurtling toward a daytime alleyway fuck, but that's the furthest thing from his mind. The only thing he cares about at the moment is being as close to Susan as he can, in every way.

[girl_at_the_window]

Tugging his shirt open, Susan ducks her head to kiss and suck at the top of his shoulder, one hand working down between them, under his waistband, clawed fingers wrapping slowly around his cock.

"Fuck..." she murmurs, and laughs breathlessly, her wings trembling against the wall, her antennae brushing his cheek. "Fuck, Eddie, I want thee..."

i'm real glad i actually remembered he's still a mer in this one

[thefuckingbeam]

Oh, hell, he wasn't prepared for that, for that clawed hand wrapping around his hardening length; she'll notice it's cool and smooth, with a soft, flexible fin running up the underside. There's a sharp intake of breath, Eddie's gills fluttering restlessly.

"I want you, too. Want you so bad." His hips roll forward into her hand, and he shivers at the way her mouth feels on his skin, the place where it butts up against the line of scales that starts there on his shoulder. One hand creeps down to the waistband of her jeans, thumb skimming just underneath, teasing her.

the hardest part of this sex tbh

[girl_at_the_window]

Susan lets out a low groan, bucking her hips up against his hand. Underneath her waistband, there's still carapace, hard and bristly, but if he pushes his hand down a little further, he'll find where it's pulled apart between her legs, her body shifting instinctively to give him access there.

Her thumb traces the line of that fin, exploring his inhuman anatomy. She's fascinated by the coolness of his skin, even with his clear arousal, and she wants to know whether the fin is more sensitive (less sensitive?) than the rest of him.

[thefuckingbeam]

His finned hand pushes down further, cool in contract with the warmth between her thighs, and when he finds the place where her carapace opens up to reveal his target, he groans, letting one finger trace along her slit. His cock throbs in her hand, and he has to bite back a frankly embarrassing noise wanting to come from his mouth. As it turns out, that fin is incredibly sensitive; Eddie shivers and presses more firmly again Susan's wetness.

"Sorry if it's...weird."

[girl_at_the_window]

"Shut up," she gasps, pressing up against his hand. Under the carapace, the actual anatomy doesn't seem to have changed much; still warm and wet and human, still clenching delightfully at his touch. Susan moans, running the tip of one claw gently along the line where fin meets skin, and kisses him as hard as she can.

There's a time for patient exploration of each others' bodies, and this isn't it. She's already guiding his cock between her legs, her intentions clear.

[thefuckingbeam]

"Fair enough," Eddie mutters, too taken by the way she looks with his fingers pressing against her cunt, and lets her catch his mouth without complaint. He doesn't need to be asked twice to move forward; right now really isn't the time to take things slowly. He's waited damn long for this, he's not wasting a moment.

Taking a moment to pull back and look down into her face, Eddie lets his length rub against her slit, biting back a loud moan before he lets her guide him into her. One hand slides between her leg, hitching her thigh up around his waist to open her up to him. Eddie buries his face in Susan's shoulder, gasping, "God, you feel—so fuckin' good, Susan."

[girl_at_the_window]

Susan bites her lip, sharp teeth bringing blood to the surface, and moans low and wordlessly. He feels so different to Roland - different, probably, from any human man - and that thrills her in a way she didn't fully expect. That gill under his cock presses strangely inside her, delightfully, rubbing up against the sensitive wall of her cunt.

Balancing on one leg feels stupid. Without thinking much about it, her wings fluttering slightly, she jumps up onto him, wrapping her other leg around him, bracing them both against the wall with her lower pair of arms. Her cunt tightens around him, and she smiles, one hand tangling in his hair, another wrapped around his shoulders.

"I said shut up," she breathes in his ear, and it sounds like there might be a laugh behind it. "Shut up, Eddie Dean, and fuck me."

[thefuckingbeam]

Eddie's more than prepared for the weight; he'd had half a mind to pull just the same maneuver in another moment or two. But this works too, and he takes the opportunity to pull back slightly and then press deeper into her, using his body weight to press her right up against that wall, glad to feel her tangling herself around him. He huffs a laugh, breathless, into the hard carapace of her shoulder.

"Okay, okay. Gladly." And shut up he does, or at least he stops talking; he continues to make plenty of noise, muffled in her shoulder, as he drags himself backward and then drives himself into her again, that fin providing more than enough friction to send thrills down his spine.

[girl_at_the_window]

Susan isn't exactly quiet either, or making any attempt to be; she pants and moans as he thrusts into her, meeting a need that she was only vaguely aware of before he came and reawoke it in her. Her head tips back, her claws digging unconsciously against his skin, and she gasps up at the sky, eyelids fluttering. Her legs tighten around him, her hips thrusting in answer against his.

[thefuckingbeam]

She's so goddamn perfect, that's the thought that hits his mind over and over as he ruts into her, his hand finding one free wrist and pinning it to the wall as he plants kisses along her jawline—

He'd promised to shut up, and he'd intended to, he really had, but as he meets her with thrusts that are growing increasingly more frantic every time, he can't help it, doesn't even realize that he's telling her over and over how much he wants her, how much he loves her. Needs her. That's just his way, plain and simple.

[girl_at_the_window]

Despite telling him to shut up before, Susan can't say she minds much. It's intoxicating, being told things like that, being held and kissed and neded this way. Panting, she tilts her head to invite more kisses, her toes curling inside her shoes, her body tightening around him.

"I love thee," she moans, in answer, and laughs shakily, breathless, antennae quivering. It doesn't occur to her, won't until later, the full weight of what she's just said. If you love me, then love me.

[thefuckingbeam]

"Love you," Eddie breathes, caught up in the way she moves, the way every part of her seems to tense and tremble. "Love you so much." He doesn't even care anymore. They're doing this, they're caught up in it. It's not some great secret anymore. He loves her, and that's just that.

His thumb rubs over her wrist, fingers curling tight around it as his rhythm begins to turn a little erratic. "Come for me, Susan, I wanna—wanna feel you."

[girl_at_the_window]

Susan laughs, breathless and shaky, tracing a clawed fingertip down the curve of his cheek. "I ain't - mmh! - I ain't exactly tryin' not to, kennit?"

And for that matter, she's close to it. She can feel it building inside her, scattering her thoughts and sending warm pleasure all through her, that tension, that nearness... But not yet, not just yet. She groans and pulls him closer, closing her eyes, thrusting against him.

[thefuckingbeam]

Eddie's breath stutters, shivering with the way her claw feels on his skin. He lets out a shaky laugh, too, and keeps moving, trying to keep his movements from going too erratic. He needs to see this through, needs to make certain he satisfies her, because there's no way in hell he'll ever let himself live down being a shitty lay after all they've been through.

Reaching down between them, he feels for her clit, grinding the heel of his hand into her in slow circles.